It is currently Thursday, and I spent most of the week trying to think of where to start. When I had the idea to create a blog, I wanted it to serve as a space to document and record my personal growth. Although my current support system is incredibly motivating and inspiring, I needed a way to motivate myself, too. I hope this will be a space where I can share my personal journey to becoming a healthier and happier me.
Where I am now is far from where I was a few months ago, yet still far from where I want to be. I was diagnosed with depression in October 2018, and, for me 2019 began with me feeling incredibly irritable, anxious, and alone. I was unhappy with my living situation, taking horrible care of myself, refusing to go out (or even get out of bed, most days), and living about 45 minutes away from all of my friends. I couldn’t remember what it was like to feel myself, and I spent most of my time ruminating on times where I laughed easily, completed tasks with ease, surrounded myself with good people. For me, depression feels like I’m running underwater, against the current.
In March 2019, I moved into my own apartment, returning to the city I love. I started visiting my family more and spending more time with friends, but I still fought against the darkness that told me I’d rather be home by myself, doing nothing, feeling hollow. In April 2019, after regularly attending therapy for about 6 months, I began taking Prozac once a day. At first, I was nervous. I worried about side effects and didn’t want to feel more emotionally stunted than I already felt. After a few weeks, I noticed a sudden lift in mood. It was easier to do things, easier to say yes to friends, hell, easier to get out of bed in the morning. I actually had to train my body to eat normally sized meals again, now that it was hungry.
Fast forward to the present, and I am working on getting back into a running/exercise routine, which comes hand in hand with needing to eat healthier too. I’ve realized the importance of being aware of what I’m putting in my body, and I’ve also noticed how my body reacts to the things I’ve consumed.
My goals for myself (and for this blog) is to change my lifestyle in a positive way and find what works for me. I want to feel healthier, build confidence, and increase overall energy. I also want to be present and mindful in the way that I show myself care, both physically and emotionally. Basically, what I’m striving for is creating a better sense of physical, emotional, and spiritual balance, with a space to record my progress and try to maintain motivation. Wish me luck!!