Fighting Gloom with Gratitude

Have you ever had one of those weeks where it feels like the universe is everything but on your side? A beautiful vacation in Michigan with my family was followed by a series of unfortunate events. I was about 20 minutes into my trip back to Philadelphia when a small deer attempted a dance with my car, resulting in the car doctor’s diagnosis of “most likely totaled.”

After scrambling to find a way back to Philadelphia, my brother graciously lent me his car. I drove home, left for a 6 mile run with a friend, and that was it. I ran home through a rain storm with the challenging moments of the week behind me, or so I thought.

I arrived back to work the next day, fresh faced and ready to roll, to be greeted by 31 voicemails and 53 emails. As I dug through, I learned of a series of client crises that had occurred while I was gone (one client suicidal, another in crisis, another arrested). I dealt with them with stride, taking things one step at a time. When the day was done I felt stressed and slightly overwhelmed but satisfied with the job that I had done.

As I parked my brother’s car that night, I let out a sigh of relief. Even through the heavy rainstorm I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, which for me, included a quick dinner and some HEAVY relaxation time. The next morning I was ready to do it all over again: work, relax, repeat. I soon found myself standing in soon parking spot… where my brother’s car used to be. I looked around, noticing all of the street cleaning signs that read “VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED.”

I felt my anxiety rising, hands shaking, talking to myself as I looked up the phone number for the City of Philadelphia while simultaneously texting my brother to get his license plate number, etc. I began walking back to my apartment when I saw it: the silver Dodge Dart that so beautifully stared at me from across the street where the tow company had relocated it. I repeated another, though stronger, sigh of relief as I clicked the unlock button to ensure that this was, in fact, my brother’s car.

On the way to work, I found my mind racing with the “What will be next?” thoughts. “Bad things always happen in threes,” I irrationally told myself. “I wonder what horrible thing will happen next.” I was able to catch myself by acknowledging that, although these events were unfortunate, they could have been so much worse. The more rational side of my decided that this is the perfect day for a gratitude list. So here is what I am grateful for:

  • I was not injured at all in the accident with the deer
  • I was close enough from my mom’s house that my dad and brother were able to come get me after the accident
  • My car is still able to be driven (regardless of the lack of reliability for the three hour trip back to the city)
  • My brother’s car was simply moved down the street and not to an impound lot, where I would have had to pay multiple hundreds of dollars to get it released
  • My brother-in-law offered to go car shopping with me if the insurance company agrees that my car is totaled
  • My supervisor is incredibly laid back and empathetic to my situation in needing an extra day of vacation to tend my car
  • I have delightful coworkers who helped to address the crisis situations at work while I was on vacation and supported me as I worked to follow up after my return
  • I have incredibly supportive people in my life in general, friends, family, etc. I could not have gotten through these events without being able to lean on them for guidance

Last but not least, I am grateful for this platform through which I can openly evaluate my negative thinking and reframe into more positive thoughts. I want to thank those who have engaged through follows or comments. I love the feedback. While on vacation, I did a lot of planning for this site that I hope to work on while life calms down. This blog helps hold me accountable, because if I am not being a Wellness Warrior myself, then how am I able to encourage others to be?  

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When The Going Gets Tough

This past week has been a rough one. For the past month or so, I’ve been so wrapped up lately revisiting an ongoing tumultuous relationship that has never been necessarily mentally healthy, and now that it has ended I really need to get myself back on track. At this moment, I feel an overwhelming need to pause, regroup, and focus on myself. I’ve created a list of things that have helped in the past so I can go back to incorporating them into my routine while I get reconnect with myself in a healthier way.

  1. Journal
  2. Self reflect on what I worked on in therapy
  3. Catch myself if I’m thinking too much
  4. Listen to (HAPPY) music
  5. Spend time with friends
  6. Keep my apartment clean, organized, and free of clutter
  7. Stay on top of my exercise routine
  8. Use my time productively
  9. Meditate more consistently
  10. Meal prep to keep the week less stressful
  11. Continue making time on Sundays to plan goals for the week
  12. Focus on facilitating positive interactions with others

Being Gentle With Myself

Since childhood, I have been a perfectionist. One of my most vivid memories is trying to build a house for my tiny Ernie doll that I had gotten with a McDonald’s Happy Meal. I spent hours with a hot glue gun, trying to piece together Popsicle sticks so Ernie could have a space to sleep. Every time I tried to stand it up, it fell to pieces again. With each fall, my body heated up and frustration tears rolled down my face, until I finally threw the failed project in the trash.

I still cry when I’m frustrated. This week, I’ve been attempting to navigate my activity schedule. Scheduling activities is a therapeutic technique that is used to treat depression. It gives the person something to look forward to, while encouraging that person to stay busy. I use it myself by sitting down every Sunday and writing a list of what physical activities I want to do that week, whether it’s running, strength training, yoga. I write a list of whatever I feel like my mind and body needs.

I’ve struggled this week to stick to that schedule. I was really excited to get more on track with a workout schedule now that my work schedule is a little more flexible, but things rarely go as planned. On days where I’d planned to work out, I got home from work too late, or had to stop at the store, or realized it didn’t fit as nicely into my schedule that day as well as I thought it would have. Several times this week, I’ve caught myself feeling disappointed and have had the thoughts, “I’m not trying hard enough.”

Through this, I’m learning patience. Things don’t have to be perfect. I have to show self love for fitting in runs and a workout throughout the week, despite my planning hiccups. Wellness is a process and a journey, and I must be patient with learning how exactly being active will fit my schedule through trial and error. I often tell clients, “We can plan all we want, but life happens sometimes,” and this week really opened my eyes to taking my own advice. I’ll be gentle with myself and give myself credit for my efforts instead of getting frustrated and throwing the project in the trash.