What No One Tells You About Being a Therapist

A therapist’s office is intended to be a safe, warm space that allows for others to express and process patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It’s a place where people go to feel better. As a helping professional, I have the privilege of being part of the personal development and growth of my clients. I am deeply passionate about what I do, and I’ll be the first one to admit that I still get goosebumps whenever a client experiences an “Aha” moment. That being said, the mental health profession is not one without challenges.

According to the Philadelphia’s Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual disAbility Services (DBHIDS), it’s estimated that about 22% of adults in the city are diagnosed with Depressive Disorder, 16% of adult Philadelphians experience frequent mental stress, and 13.8% of teens experience suicidal ideation.

To paint a clearer picture, these statistics mean that in Philadelphia 1 in 5 adults are diagnosed with depressive disorder, and 1 in 7 high school students have reported seriously considering suicide. These startling numbers are not counting the undiagnosed or unreported cases. These rates have remained consistent within recent years, with the exception of a wild increase of opioid-related deaths and ER visits for drug overdoses. With the growing severity of the opioid epidemic in the United States, an already overwhelmed system seemingly only has so much wiggle room before it breaks.

Community Behavioral Health (CBH) is a non-profit corporation contracted by the City of Philadelphia to provide mental health and substance use services to Medicaid recipients in Philadelphia County. There are about 144 Community Behavioral Health organizations in Philadelphia, and I have worked for and with many of them. Although I love the work that I do with clients, working in community agencies has created an entirely new perspective on how therapists and participants are treated among the Community Behavioral Health system….. and I think we all deserve better.

I remember learning about proper ethics and counseling techniques in my graduate program, bright eyed as I geared myself up for a future as a helper. Looking back, it seems so naive for me to have thought that it would be easy. Admittedly, I often wish I could go back to school and pay closer attention to discussions on how to avoid burnout, but sometimes it seems that in the community behavioral health field, burnout is inevitable. Although it would not have changed my choice of profession, I wish I had been more prepared for the community mental health world.

Here’s what I wish I had known:

  1. There are not enough mental health therapists in the community behavioral health system. It seems as though a major theme within the therapist community is the feeling of being overwhelmed by a bogged down system. Community Behavioral Health has an incredible amount of participants in need of mental health care and not enough wo/manpower to provide the quality of care necessary to treat severe mental health symptoms. This means that the large number of participants receiving services are divided among the limited mental health professionals that exist, meaning higher burnout rates for therapists.
  2. There is a major focus on productivity. Full time therapists are given a certain number of clinical hours that they must provide per month, typically called productivity. For example, in my organization, the month of October held 160.63 available treatment hours. I need to achieve 66% of that, meaning I needed to provide at least 106 hours of therapy to meet productivity expectations. If I don’t, I risk being written up. So when we get into the nitty-gritty of things, my work performance is not determined by the quality of therapy I provide, but by the quantity of services I provide. Where I try to validate myself, it is sometimes hard to focus on my successes with clients when I am consistently reminded of “my numbers.” It also makes it more difficult to be understanding when clients cancel, which is often framed as one less hour toward productivity.
  3. Many organizations are turning to fee-for-service. Fee-for-service is pretty self-explanatory. In fee-for-service positions, therapists only get paid for the sessions they complete. This means that if a client does not show up, the therapist will either not get paid, or will get paid a small percentage of what they would have received. Oh, and fee-for-service therapists don’t get paid for the paperwork or outreach they do…. and let me tell you, in this field there is always a lot of paperwork and outreach to do.
  4. Community behavioral health is behind. Think about all of the ethical guidelines, evidence-based practices, and sensitivity training we learned about in school. Now, try to imagine trying to implement those practices in an organization that always seems 20 years behind the present status quo. This isn’t necessarily community behavioral health’s fault. It simply takes time to roll out new methods given the amount of education and training they require.
  5. Sometimes people don’t listen. I feel like I can talk about ethical treatment and appropriate care until I’m blue in the face, and it still doesn’t feel like I am heard. I often find myself thinking of therapists as the nurses of the mental health field– we have an incredible amount of knowledge, have spent years studying the subject, and care deeply about making sure our clients are receiving proper care… and it still feels like we are spinning our wheels just to be heard and respected.

And finally, none of this would matter if we didn’t care. Professionals typically don’t join the mental health field if they don’t care about the well being of others. This makes it even more frustrating when we can see that the overall focus is not on the quality of care we provide, but instead, on the success of the business. Although I can recognize that the business aspect is important, it just does not feel right to put the needs of the business before the needs of people. Helpers feel passionately about the injustices within social systems, because we care about the outcomes of the people we work with. It can be incredibly frustrating to see the above factors as barriers to doing what we love most– helping people.

Half Marathon Training: Week 4

When I decided to train for a Half Marathon, I wanted to utilize training as a way to incorporate a more stable running routine into my lifestyle. I knew that the following helped: being outside, being around people, exploring the city, exercise, listening to music, taking deep breaths. With running, I could do all of these things at the same time. These simple pleasures coupled with the influx of endorphins are a major component of what keeps my brain from feeling like sluggish mush buried under 10 feet of black goop.

I failed to estimate the challenges of caring for sore muscles, using intense mental energy, attending to detail to avoid injury, REMEMBERING TO STRETCH. But the Buddha said if there is pleasure there must be pain, and so here we are- completing Week 4 of Half Marathon Training, noticing the pain, but focusing on the pleasure… and adding in some hard hitting speed and strength training to really squash that Week 3 plateau before heading into some serious recovery work.

Here’s what Week 4 looked like:

  • Sunday: Run 7 miles
  • Monday: Yoga
  • Tuesday: Stairs (a mile distance)
  • Wednesday: Arm Strength Training
  • Thursday: Yoga
  • Friday: Sprints
  • Saturday: REST

My most intense workouts for the week were stairs and sprints. I join many city residents at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, channeling my inner underdog to mindlessly run up and down the Rocky Steps.

These are the rear Art Museum steps

I usually do about 11-15 rounds of the steps, which usually equals about a mile of stairs. As for sprints, this cardio addition is just a way to increase overall pace. Similar to the speed workout in Week 3, Sprints include alternating between running and sprinting from block to block until I reach my distance goal.

Lesson of the Week: Acknowledge the pain, but focus on the pleasure. I love running for the improvements in mood that I have experience since adding regular exercise into my routine. I have been so thrilled with feeling both physically and mentally healthier that I sometimes fight the urge to push myself too far. Remembering that a major part of training for a half marathon is avoiding injury so I can actually do the half marathon has been the key for me to monitor my pain and take extra care of my body.

Which leads me to my question for the runners out there in Wellness Warrior World: What is your key to avoiding injury?

Half Marathon Training: Week 3

I finally understand the beauty of running in the rain.

Come one, come all! Have you been running around your city jamming out to an “Emo Forever” Spotify Playlist and letting Gerard Way fuel your mind and your legs as the miles pile on? If not, you probably don’t know the struggle resisting the urge to play air guitar on a 6 mile run, as to maintain good form. Week 3 came hard and fast, and my biggest struggle this week was navigating through the frustrations and fears of plateauing.

Week 3 was a true challenge in attempting to balance pushing myself enough to reach my goals, but not hard enough to cause injury or burn out. There was a new focus on both my mind and body. My brain said, “Push yourself harder or you’ll never be ready in time,” while my body urged me to avoid pushing my lungs into a pace they weren’t ready for. My muscles felt ready, but every time I attempted a faster pace, my body felt overheated and I quickly ran out of breath and steam. I realized I needed to decrease my pace, which definitely solved the issue!

With that in mind, here’s Week 3:

  • Sunday: Run 6 miles
  • Monday: Yoga/Walk
  • Tuesday: Run 3 miles
  • Wednesday: Plyometrics
  • Thursday: Yoga/Stretch
  • Friday: Speed Work
  • Saturday: REST

I enjoy speed work in a variety of ways. For speed, others recommend hill repeats, plyometrics, etc., but in the city it can be difficult to find a good easily accessible hill. Instead, I might find a good, long set of stairs or a ramp. My typical go-to is a quick run workout. For a run workout, I will walk for a block, run for a block, and sprint for a block, and repeat this until I’ve hit whatever the distance goal I’ve set for myself. This week I learned that my body is in good shape, but my cardio needs work- hence the frustration.

Lesson of the Week: Go at your own pace. In the weeks before, I put pace goals on each run workout. From here on, I am just going to focus on completing the miles at whatever pace my body allows. I want to put more emphasis on how I feel physically instead of focusing on the pressure of not feeling fast enough- I’m out there, I’m running, I’m working to achieve a goal. If that’s not good enough, I don’t know what is.

10 Morning Hacks for the Non-Morning Person

I didn’t get the nickname “Little Bear” in college for no reason. In the morning it takes me about 1 hour, 1 cup of coffee, 1 giant plate of breakfast, and a whole lot of self-encouragement to start feeling like a human. In fact, I love my mother, but my biggest complaint about her parenting was that she talked to me in the morning- the horror!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love the idea of being a morning person, and I actually find myself enjoying the quiet mornings to myself if I have a day off. It’s the pressure of having a schedule to keep that causes me to roll out of bed with my hair a mess and grunt to myself as I struggle to don my big girl garb and start the day. There just never seems to be enough time in the morning, and no matter how hard I try, I still find myself consistently running 5 minutes late. One might think that I could simply wake up earlier, but your girl loves her sleep. Therefore, I can offer these helpful tips that might help- excuse my French- unfuck your morning as well as they did mine.

  1. Pick out your clothes.
    • I tend to take this tip to the extreme. Every week as I am putting away my laundry, I put together my outfits for the entire week (or more if I’m feeling extra adventurous). This way, I can just pull something ready-to-wear from my closet. I’m not suggesting that anyone take things to that extreme, but it is a huge time saver to have an outfit prepared. I also notice that I always feel better if I’m wearing something I like, and I rarely create an outfit I like if I save the task for the busy morning.
  2. Prep your lunch.
    • I like to make this part of my nightly routine. Before I go to sleep, I’ll my lunchbox together, so I can just grab it out of the refrigerator before I leave in the morning. Not only does this save time in the morning, but it also gives me time to make sure I’m packing a healthy and well balanced lunch.
  3. Have a routine.
    • Part of making the morning easier is not thinking-just doing. Having a good routine in place can save time, increase productivity, and increase a sense of accomplishment. For those like me who used to forget her lunch, office keys, etc. at least once a week, it can help to ensure you’re not skipping over any important morning tasks.
  4. Say it with me: SLEEP WITH YOUR PHONE AWAY FROM YOUR BED.
    • There is truly not much to say here that I haven’t said already. If you want to catch up on my reasons behind religiously adopting this hack, you can read all about it here!
  5. Stretch in bed.
    • The hardest part of the morning for me is peeling myself away from my cuddly cat/sleeping buddy and unraveling my cozy blanket burrito. After doing research on stretches that can be done in bed, I found that not only did this satisfy my desire to stay in bed longer, but it helped my body feel more awake and motivated to get my morning routine going strong.
  6. Make your bed.
    • It may seem small, but making your bed can set the mood for the entire day. Starting off with completing a task can lead to a sense of accomplishment that can only snowball into a bigger form of motivation. Coming home to a tidy area can also decrease any residual stress from the work day.
  7. Save scrolling for later.
    • Anyone who has read my previous posts already know my view of social media and cell phones- if you allow it, your electronic device can be a giant waste of time. So, save the scrolling for later and minimize anything that might distract you from a productive morning. The memes will still be there after you’re all dressed and ready to start the day with, hopefully, time to spare.
  8. Look forward to food.
    • Okay, this one might me more tailored to me, but it works. I find it way easier to crawl out of bed if I know I’ve planned a breakfast I can look forward to. (Even better, I’ll meal prep it, so I can go straight to the rewarding part).
  9. Make your morning more enjoyable.
    • It may seem like common sense, but it’s easy to lose ourselves in the rush of getting ready for the day. We can’t forget about our needs. Whether it’s yoga, a morning walk, or reading a chapter, take a little bit of time and engage in an activity that will make your morning feel like yours! It doesn’t even have to be the same activity each day.
  10. Listen to music.
    • I. Love. Music. In my 28 years of existence, nothing has been able to captivate me as much as music. It has been, and probably always will be, a huge part of my life (but that’s a post for a different day). For me, and maybe for some of you also, there’s no better way to wake up the body than to start by waking up the soul.

Although weekday mornings are a struggle, I am really focusing on making them effective and productive. It simply makes me happier and more energetic when I feel good about my mornings. I am always trying to make Rise and Shine Time easier and less hectic, and I always love to hear feedback and start a conversation. What are some of your go-to morning hacks?

Half Marathon Training: Week 2

Happy Monday, Warriors! Wow, did Week 2 really present some challenges that served as some pretty important reminders. Sunday rolled through just as I was coming out of a great, but busy, week. I completed all of my training days from Week 1 with complete success and felt prideful as I rewarded myself with a “Tourist Weekend.” While I love living in Philadelphia, I don’t often get time to partake in the famous attractions. Every so often (usually if a family member or friend is visiting), I allow myself to act as a tourist for an entire weekend and explore the hot staples of the city tourist-style (Though, you will never catch me riding a Segway).

Fueled by residual motivation from Week 1, I created an intense training plan for the week that included longer runs and harder speed training workouts. During my first run of the week, I made it half way to my distance goal when my entire body felt exhausted, and every fiber of my being felt one step away from a becoming real life example of a dramatization in a Life Alert commercial. As I slowed to a walk, I reflected on the prior week of nonstop movement and recreation. I remembered my top goal in beginning my overall wellness journey: GIVE YOUR BODY WHAT IT’S ASKING FOR. It was a not-so-gentle reminder to listen to my body, and my body needed some good old TLC (both physically and audibly, because come on– who can’t get down with a little No Scrubs blaring on a Sunday night???). With that in mind, I walked the remainder of my distance goal, went home, ripped up my plan, and spent the week going off script, tailoring each activity to what I felt that my body needed on a day-to-day basis.

Here is what it looked like:

  • Sunday: Run 3 miles, walk 1-2 miles. (I made this a mindful walk, meaning that I put my phone on airplane mode and listened to no music, taking in my environment and focusing on my experience).
  • Monday: Strength Training: Arms, Stretch
  • Tuesday: Run 1 mile at an easy pace, run 1 mile at race pace, walk 1 mile, run 1 mile at an easy pace
  • Wednesday: Yoga
  • Thursday: Strength Training: Abs and Back
  • Friday: Strength Training: Legs, Stretch
  • Saturday: REST

Lesson of the Week: Listen to your body. Training doesn’t have to mean pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion or injury. If your body is craving something slow and easy, give it just that. If your body is buzzing with energy, use it as fuel for harder workouts. I ran and worked out at a lesser intensity and still ended the week feeling stronger.

It’s your turn, peeps: How did you listen to your body this week?

Wins of the Week

The burst of energy I woke up with this morning and the happy sunshine streaming through my office window can only mean one thing– It’s Friday! This week has been a rough mental health week, and although I am well aware of the triggers it can always feel like a slow crawl back to stability. That being said, if there is ever a week to focus on my Wins, this would be the one!

  • I finished a book. If anyone reading this has been struggled with any sort of mental health issue, you may know that concentration may be a huge challenge. As someone who read the last Harry Potter book in just over a day, part of me is heartbroken to say that it had been well over a year since I had been able to read an entire a book. It took about a month to finish this book by breaking down reading into smaller chunks of time, but I felt a sense of accomplishment.
  • I was able to delegate responsibility at work. At my organization, I manage a caseload of about 55 clients. I typically schedule 38-40 hours of individual therapy sessions per week, attend 5-7 meetings monthly, facilitate a group twice monthly that consists of 15 additional clients, and somehow squeeze in time for paperwork and outreach calls in between. Needless to say, all of my days are incredibly busy. I spoke to my supervisor about feeling overwhelmed and we agreed that it would be best to hand my group off to someone else who has a less established caseload to maintain. With my group facilitating nearing its end, I can already feel a little relief.
  • I didn’t feel like a bad employee for delegating. Typically, admitting that I do not have the energy to perform well at a task would lead me to believe that I’m bad at my job. I learned how to catch these thoughts in therapy, but this time I didn’t even need to catch myself because I didn’t have the thought. That’s progress, folks!
  • I painted for the first time in about 10 years. I used to paint all the time, more of a hobby than a coping skill. I was always a perfectionist when it came to creativity, but when I picked up a paint brush this week, I simply focused on playing with color however I was inspired to. I definitely felt rewarded and mindful and just…. emotionally better!

Honestly, to a certain extent, I’m just thankful for making it through the week without completely spontaneously combusting.

Now turning to you, Warriors! What have been your biggest wins of the week?

Why I Stopped Sleeping With My Phone Next to my Bed

Sometimes our cell phones seem like an extension of ourselves. They are useful little boxes that remember our appointments, stay in contact with our friends, and share our memories with the touch of a button. It can be difficult to think of cell phones as what they are: a tool. So, I decided that if I don’t feel the need to sleep with a hammer next to my bed, I don’t feel the need to keep my cell phone there either. Here’s why:

Late night cell phone use can lead to lack of sleep.

We’ve all been there: we turn the lights off, settle into our blankets… and then scroll in Instagram for the next hour instead of closing our eyes for some well-deserved snoozing. Further than that, using cell phones in the dark can more intensely expose our eyes to blue lights, potentially causing damage in vision or interfere with our ability to fall asleep.

We are not yet aware of potential health risks.

While there has not been research that proves cell phone use causes cancer, we do know that cell phones emit small amounts of electromagnetic radiation, which can lead to tumor growth. However, since they are such small amounts, cell phones are safe to handle for individuals who are not more vulnerable to radiation. This being said, clear links between cell phone use and health risks are not yet clear—which makes me want to be more safe than sorry.

I wake up more easily in the morning.

I am not a morning person. In fact, I have been known to set my alarm early just to hit snooze for the next hour. A few months ago, I started sleeping with my phone across the room from my bed, and I initially felt resentful that this little music-making pile of metal was dragging my lazy bones out of bed on the first ring. It slowly became much easier to wake up in the morning at the first chime of my alarm.

My mind is clearer as I’m drifting off to dream world.

Incorporating an hour of phone-free time before bed each night has helped me make the space to check in with myself. Having the opportunity to read, journal, or simply reflect has allowed me the space to get any leftover thoughts from the day out of my head before putting my head onto the pillow.

Disconnecting from my phone on a regular basis has allowed me to use my time effectively. Although, I still find myself frustrated sometimes that I have to crawl out of bed to get the loud noises to stop. Overall, I’ve felt positive in my decision to start sleeping disconnected with my phone—and it seems that my brain and body are thankful, too!

I Quit Social Media and This is What Happened

The power of social media can be an amazing tool. Through the click of a button, we can share ideas, connect with friends and family, and facilitate political change. Although it’s a useful tool, it can also be a dangerous one. Excessive social media use can lead to addictive behaviors, increased mental health concerns, and challenges in time management. It may be important to explore the role that social media plays in our lives to better determine the purpose it serves. After noticing myself grow increasingly frustrated with social media, I decided to take a break. I deactivated all of my social accounts. This is what happened:

1. I stopped comparing myself to others.

  • People only post the best parts of themselves on social media. Realistically, I know this, but that didn’t stop me from noticing the feeling I got seeing other people’s perceived happy lives flash on my screen consistently (getting married, growing families, buying homes). It seemed impossible to not feel behind. After deactivating my accounts, the invisible clock stopped ticking. I could more easily focus on accomplishing my goals without putting unnecessary pressure on myself. 

2. I lived in the moment.

  • The most significant change I noticed was that I spent less time posting about what I was doing and became more engaged in what I was doing. I no longer had to show that I was having fun, but I could simply focus on doing just that: having fun. I engaged more with others, stopped using my phone as a distracting crutch in uncomfortable situations, and felt more connected to my surroundings.

3. I put my phone down.

  • If there is one thing I already knew before starting this project it’s this: social media can be a gigantic waste of time if one allows it. And I allowed it. Oh, boy did I allow it. Being unable to fill my spare time with Facebook scrolling, deep diving profiles, and the like allowed me to fill my time with more productive tasks. I redecorated my apartment, read books, listened to more music, and procrastinated WAY less.

4. I connected with others in a more genuine way.

  • In therapy, I made my own connection between socialization and my mood. I am a person who really benefits from quality time spent with others. It’s my love language, if you will. I realized how distant social media had made me feel from my loved ones—like I was watching their lives scroll by from the outside.  By taking social media out of the equation, I found more effective ways to keep in touch with my loved ones. With my friends and family, I stayed connected through phone, text, or in person, and I felt growth in my relationships that I largely contribute to taking a more active role in maintaining them.

5. I embraced my authentic self.

  • I have always been the weird drama kid with tie-dye shirts, lime green jeans, and Chucks thrown together into what I used to call “fashion.” I have never been the person who cared for others’ opinions and have always prided myself on marching to the beat of my own drum, but somewhere I got lost. As I grew older, I started focusing more on how I was perceived by others, and it took doing this experiment to notice that social media played a significant role in that. I am already someone who puts a ton of pressure on myself, and by comparing myself to others on the internet, that pressure grew even bigger. After putting my phone down, I stopped caring. It made it SO easy to focus on myself, my hobbies, and my goals. 

It has been about two months since I have logged into my Facebook account, and I don’t see myself scrolling in the near future. Of course, social media can be a great tool and resource for staying connected to others, and I can only speak from my experience in learning that social media impacts my life in a way that is not always so great. If anything, this experiment has taught me to be more mindful of how I am spending my time, and I encourage others to examine what aspects of their daily routine may not be serving the best purpose. Have any Wellness Warriors out there eliminated anything in their lives that turned out to me more hurtful than helpful? Let’s talk about it in the comments below!

How to Overcome Regression Toward Goals

Picture this: It’s been a months-long streak of hitting wellness goals. You go to sleep at a normal time and sleep well, embrace a healthy diet that a few years ago you would have scoffed at, and actually find yourself LOVING engaging in regular exercise. And then, boom—you go on vacation, your car gets totaled by a deer, stress builds. Routine goes out the window, and it feels like all of the progress that was made is quickly crawling away from the fires that have engulfed your once safe little nest. 

The thing about fires is that they go out eventually. The flames may burn us, but we can avoid the spiral of negativity and douse the fire with water and positivity until we are left to lick our wounds and move forward. Most of us know how difficult it can be to get back on track when life happens.

Here are 5 powerful strategies to moving forward after hardship attempts to derail progress.

  1. Identify the root of the backslide
  • Before we can find a way back, we need to identify what contributed to our slide in the first place. This can include increased stress from life changes, self-defeating mindsets and behaviors, illness or injury, challenging or more frequent life events, and/or challenges in time management. For example, my car recently got totaled. Working out daily was impossible when I needed to spend my free time looking at cars, talking to my insurance, taking my car to various inspection sites. Attending to my car had to become my priority, given that I commute to work by driving.

2. Try a different approach

  • Maybe while you were exploring the root of the backslide, you discovered some real barriers to working toward goals. Maybe you’ve been planning to exercise in the mornings, but can’t go to sleep early enough? Maybe you’re finding difficulty keeping up with a healthy diet due to limited variety of fresh foods at the grocery story you go to. Achieving goals may require some changes in approach, and that’s okay! Methods are going to look different for everyone. It’s all about finding what works best for you and using that to your advantage.

3. Create a schedule

  • I love schedules. I mean it— I LOVE them. Nothing makes me feel more organized than having a plan—even if it’s just loosely followed. My Sunday routine includes sitting down and planning the week—exercises I want to focus on, meals I want to eat, self care activities I want to do, and other tasks or errands that need to be completed. I create a schedule based on what my week looks like and then try my best to stick with it—but life happens, so I’m always gentle and understanding if my schedule changes in small various ways as the week goes on.

4. Find accountability

  • Studies show that the more people that know about your goal, the more likely you are to work toward it. Working toward holding yourself accountable is monumental in achieving goals, but better yet, finding other people who can hold you accountable creates a whole new layer of support in actually doing what you say you’re going to do.

5. Be gentle with yourself

  • Imagine me shouting the following from the tallest rooftop: Embracing positivity toward self and challenges can make or break the ability to overcome obstacles. Understand that backslides happen. Working toward a goal will not always be a forward motion—sometimes it feels like two steps forward, one step back. Negativity and frustration toward self or circumstances can cause one to shut down and can be a deterrent to finding motivation to work through failure. If needed, go back to the basics until you start to feel your groove again.

As Wellness Warriors, it’s important to put more emphasis on the sense of accomplishment we have when achieving a goal and decrease the focus we may put on barriers. We can choose to interpret hardships as an opportunity to utilize healthy coping skills and celebrate our strength, resiliency, and power. 

Happy Tuesday, Wellness Warriors! Here’s to hoping that the schedule I have outlined for myself allows me the ability to port more consistently now that my car fiasco is resolved!

Fighting Gloom with Gratitude

Have you ever had one of those weeks where it feels like the universe is everything but on your side? A beautiful vacation in Michigan with my family was followed by a series of unfortunate events. I was about 20 minutes into my trip back to Philadelphia when a small deer attempted a dance with my car, resulting in the car doctor’s diagnosis of “most likely totaled.”

After scrambling to find a way back to Philadelphia, my brother graciously lent me his car. I drove home, left for a 6 mile run with a friend, and that was it. I ran home through a rain storm with the challenging moments of the week behind me, or so I thought.

I arrived back to work the next day, fresh faced and ready to roll, to be greeted by 31 voicemails and 53 emails. As I dug through, I learned of a series of client crises that had occurred while I was gone (one client suicidal, another in crisis, another arrested). I dealt with them with stride, taking things one step at a time. When the day was done I felt stressed and slightly overwhelmed but satisfied with the job that I had done.

As I parked my brother’s car that night, I let out a sigh of relief. Even through the heavy rainstorm I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, which for me, included a quick dinner and some HEAVY relaxation time. The next morning I was ready to do it all over again: work, relax, repeat. I soon found myself standing in soon parking spot… where my brother’s car used to be. I looked around, noticing all of the street cleaning signs that read “VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED.”

I felt my anxiety rising, hands shaking, talking to myself as I looked up the phone number for the City of Philadelphia while simultaneously texting my brother to get his license plate number, etc. I began walking back to my apartment when I saw it: the silver Dodge Dart that so beautifully stared at me from across the street where the tow company had relocated it. I repeated another, though stronger, sigh of relief as I clicked the unlock button to ensure that this was, in fact, my brother’s car.

On the way to work, I found my mind racing with the “What will be next?” thoughts. “Bad things always happen in threes,” I irrationally told myself. “I wonder what horrible thing will happen next.” I was able to catch myself by acknowledging that, although these events were unfortunate, they could have been so much worse. The more rational side of my decided that this is the perfect day for a gratitude list. So here is what I am grateful for:

  • I was not injured at all in the accident with the deer
  • I was close enough from my mom’s house that my dad and brother were able to come get me after the accident
  • My car is still able to be driven (regardless of the lack of reliability for the three hour trip back to the city)
  • My brother’s car was simply moved down the street and not to an impound lot, where I would have had to pay multiple hundreds of dollars to get it released
  • My brother-in-law offered to go car shopping with me if the insurance company agrees that my car is totaled
  • My supervisor is incredibly laid back and empathetic to my situation in needing an extra day of vacation to tend my car
  • I have delightful coworkers who helped to address the crisis situations at work while I was on vacation and supported me as I worked to follow up after my return
  • I have incredibly supportive people in my life in general, friends, family, etc. I could not have gotten through these events without being able to lean on them for guidance

Last but not least, I am grateful for this platform through which I can openly evaluate my negative thinking and reframe into more positive thoughts. I want to thank those who have engaged through follows or comments. I love the feedback. While on vacation, I did a lot of planning for this site that I hope to work on while life calms down. This blog helps hold me accountable, because if I am not being a Wellness Warrior myself, then how am I able to encourage others to be?