Being Gentle With Myself

Since childhood, I have been a perfectionist. One of my most vivid memories is trying to build a house for my tiny Ernie doll that I had gotten with a McDonald’s Happy Meal. I spent hours with a hot glue gun, trying to piece together Popsicle sticks so Ernie could have a space to sleep. Every time I tried to stand it up, it fell to pieces again. With each fall, my body heated up and frustration tears rolled down my face, until I finally threw the failed project in the trash.

I still cry when I’m frustrated. This week, I’ve been attempting to navigate my activity schedule. Scheduling activities is a therapeutic technique that is used to treat depression. It gives the person something to look forward to, while encouraging that person to stay busy. I use it myself by sitting down every Sunday and writing a list of what physical activities I want to do that week, whether it’s running, strength training, yoga. I write a list of whatever I feel like my mind and body needs.

I’ve struggled this week to stick to that schedule. I was really excited to get more on track with a workout schedule now that my work schedule is a little more flexible, but things rarely go as planned. On days where I’d planned to work out, I got home from work too late, or had to stop at the store, or realized it didn’t fit as nicely into my schedule that day as well as I thought it would have. Several times this week, I’ve caught myself feeling disappointed and have had the thoughts, “I’m not trying hard enough.”

Through this, I’m learning patience. Things don’t have to be perfect. I have to show self love for fitting in runs and a workout throughout the week, despite my planning hiccups. Wellness is a process and a journey, and I must be patient with learning how exactly being active will fit my schedule through trial and error. I often tell clients, “We can plan all we want, but life happens sometimes,” and this week really opened my eyes to taking my own advice. I’ll be gentle with myself and give myself credit for my efforts instead of getting frustrated and throwing the project in the trash.